Beer Goggles #3 - The Rideshare

A week in the life of a former taxi driver.

Monday:

I can generally tell if someone is going to be chatty. It’s hard to say exactly what the giveaway is, it could be the way their eyes twinkle or just the fact that they choose to sit in the front seat. Inevitably the dreaded question always comes:

‘How has your night been?’ a chipper middle-aged gentleman enquired of me.

‘Not too bad. My last fare took me all the way out of the city; had to help them bury a body,’ I replied jovially.

The joke must have gone over their head, as they murmured a brief reply and the rest of the trip passed in uncomfortable silence.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Tuesday:

My final trip for the day took me from the city to the eastern suburbs, a route I knew well. While going along the freeway my passenger decided to open their window the whole way down. Normally I do not mind, but the air conditioner was on, and the wind made a terrible racket.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Wednesday

It was late in the evening when I decided to accept a pooled ride request. I typically do not opt for these types of trips, but a colleague had recently shared an anecdote of one particularly lucrative ride in which everyone was dropped off in the same suburb. There is also the added bonus that with so many strangers in one vehicle it is unlikely they will talk.

Things were going well. I had picked up three fares that were all traveling to the same part of town, and were all quietly engaged by their phones. We glided down the dimly lit streets of the night in quiet contentment, when a notification for one final passenger appeared on my phone.

I was feeling good, lucky even.

I accepted.

As I pulled alongside the curb at the designated pick-up spot there was no one in sight save for a couple standing under the glow of a streetlight. One of them was carrying a large flat rectangle wrapped in brown paper. I avoided eye contact with them and scanned the rest of the street looking for my new fare; the app had indicated this would be a single passenger so it could not possibly be them. They began to approach our car, all three of us tensed up as the man opened the front passenger door and popped his head in (much to the surprise of the individual already occupying that seat).

‘Pooled ride for Rex? It’s just the two of us,’ he enquired heartily.

‘Yes, but you only indicated one passenger. There is no room for two,’ I offered in as polite a tone as I could muster.

‘Nah, there’s plenty of room if everyone scoots over a bit. We’re not going too far,’ he responded.

I met his gaze and it became clear that Rex was not the type to backdown easily. It was getting late, and I did not have the strength to argue with this brick wall of a human.

‘Okay,’ I relented.

The two passengers already in the back seat looked at me silently alarmed and unsure of what was happening. Though it soon became clear to them when Rex opened the back door for his girlfriend and made them shuffle over and make room. The back seat was a tight fit with four passengers and the rectangular package on their lap.

Our makeshift clown car departed, and I looked at the updated route.

Rex lied it was far.

Rating: 6/5 People

Thursday:

Three quick fares all in complete silence. Pure bliss.

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Friday:

Picked up some Uni students in the evening. It seemed like they had just come from a bout of heavy drinking and wished to continue their soiree. The shotgun passenger asked for the Aux, and of course I obliged. Soon after, the melodies of Kanye West filled my car at a volume just above comfortable. In their inebriated state more than one of the students neglected to censor themselves as they belted out some rather unbecoming lyrics. Mercifully it was a short trip.

Rating: 1/5 stars

Saturday:

Took the day off to take my kids to the museum.

Rating: 5/5 stars

Sunday:

It was late in the morning, and I had already completed several consecutive trips and was in the middle of another when my third coffee for the day decided to pay its dues. Alas I had accepted the next pick up and there was scant time or place for me to relieve myself. I made my way to the next fare as promptly as traffic would allow and hoped it would be a short trip. A young man entered the back of the vehicle with a polite greeting and friendly smile that I responded to in kind.

As soon as the door shut behind him, I put my foot to the accelerator and we lurched forward. Perhaps this was a tad too aggressive as I could see the young man’s eyes widen in the rear-view mirror. To my dismay the navigation system indicated this would not be a short trip, and my bowels indicated it would be close to a disastrous one. Thankfully only two turns away from the pick-up point I spotted a service station and pulled in.

‘Just a quick stop, won't be a moment,’ I reassured the slightly confused young man as he assented and went back to playing on his phone.

Before getting out I made sure to crack his window slightly so as to give him some fresh air, then made my way inside to collect the key for the toilet.

Having narrowly avoided a career ending catastrophe I made my way back to the car. The young man’s earlier smile had faded as he gazed listlessly through the window. The quick stop was longer than I had intended, and the rest of the trip passed in silence.